i appreciated the way this piece highlighted the barriers to connection and some suggestions on how to work with them:
1.) Most people feel left behind in some way — no matter what their life is like
2.) People need and want help, and people need and want to provide help
3.) Incredibly Bad at Communicating with One Another
4.) Bourgeois American Culture and White Supremacy are all about the myths of self-reliance and perfection
5.) Because we are so bad at asking for and receiving help, we need scripts and plans
6.) Friendship, care, and community-building is periodically no fun at all. It’s un-optimizable. You can’t put it in your resume. You can’t buy it, or hack it, or fast-track it. But its value is beyond measure.
Some of the suggestions:
(for those with kids) If you’re scared of how your kid might behave around your friend, make that known. It will make you feel better, and ideally you’ll be able to talk about why that fear exists, and how to soothe it.
(for those who are child-free) If your friends have just had a baby: they don’t need help with the baby; they need help with the rest of their lives. This is the time to leave the bag of groceries on their stoop, to show up and clean the kitchen while they shower, to take their car to get the oil changed. Offer very specific ways that you will help and when you will be there to do it, because they are too exhausted to schedule anything or even imagine what they need.
Read the whole list at: https://annehelen.substack.com/p/how-to-show-up-for-your-friends-without
Tengy Thoughts 