Article: Questions for Parenthood Clarity

They say information comes to you when you need it. This advice/series of prompts came to me when I needed to ask myself them.

I help people decide if they want to have kids. Here’s my advice.
A parenthood clarity therapist explains how she helps fence sitters make one of the most important decisions of their lives.

By Ann Davidman on April 26, 2021 9:00 am

https://www.vox.com/first-person/22370250/should-i-have-kids-a-baby-decide-start-family-parenthood-kids-childfree

A few excerpts that resonated with me:

• 4. Make a list of three decisions that you’ve made because you knew in your gut it was the right decision for you. Write a few sentences on each one describing the sensation of how good it felt to have made them. This is the sensation you deserve to experience when you’re deciding “yes” to parenthood or “yes” to a child-free life.
• 6. Do some old-fashioned stream-of-consciousness writing with these prompts.
• “I’ve always thought that by now my life would look like …” Then read what you just wrote and write about how it feels to read it.
• What verbal and nonverbal messages did you receive from your parents, community, religion, and society about you becoming a parent?
• Make the decision of yes to having/raising a baby and live with that decision for five days. During that time, write daily about how you feel about the decision you are pretending to have made. Don’t bargain with the decision. The more you can buy into having made the decision, the more information you’ll receive about yourself.
• Make the decision to live a child-free life for five days. During that time, write daily about how you feel about the decision you are pretending to have made. Don’t bargain with the decision. The more you can trick your mind into the decision being made, the more information you’ll receive about yourself.
• What would it take or what would have to happen in order for you to say “yes” to parenthood and feel good about it?
• What would it take or what would have to happen in order for you to say “yes” to a child-free life and feel good about it?

Article: Strategies for difficult conversations

Conflict is something that strongly activates my nervous system. I also tend to be see multiple perspectives and try to hold what this article calls a “third story” or “mediator’s perspective”. Still, I don’t often know what to say, so I appreciated the examples.

You can start your own difficult conversation from the third story. For example, when talking with a relative about politics, instead of starting with “Your view on taxation is greedy and simplistic,” you could begin from the third story: “We see this question of taxation differently. Let’s explore where we see it differently and why.” You can then discuss whether your differences relate to different facts, values, life experiences or fears. Your goal isn’t to persuade the other person to change their views (which they won’t do based on a brief conversation anyway) but rather to sketch out the contours of the disagreement.

With your child, instead of reiterating a rule — “no screen time after 6 p.m. on school days” — you might start with: “We have a lot of conflict and disagreement around screen time. We’ve set up rules, and you are upset with them. Let’s talk about the purpose of the rules and your experience with trying to follow them.”

Difficult talks spike anxiety. Learning conversations can help.

Two-way discussions and a strategy used by mediators can lead to better outcomes

Advice by Sheila Heen and Douglas Stone

September 1, 2023

https://www.washingtonpost.com/wellness/2023/09/01/difficult-conversations-conflict-resolution-strategies/